for(day=monday;day<=friday;day++)

"Sometimes we're on a collision course, and we just don't know it. Whether it's by accident or by design, there's not a thing we can do about it" says Mr. Button as he explains through a series of events that how life sometimes plays with you and you seem to be helpless.

His explaination though dramatic made me realize my present state and my collision course. He was lucky enough to live his life backwards and die as a child. Atleast better than living life in a circle and dieing the same death every week. Now time has lost its meaning in my life. What really matter are the days. If its Monday life seems to be young, challenging but cumbersome and tiring. Once its thursday it turns into a rush to get over with it on friday and then there is a full stop, an age of darkness begins as every thing seems to be dull and hazy for complete two days. I get lost, this world seems to have no meaning for me and in my grave I rest (don't know if it is with peace) but I ressurect two days later from my own grave to get born again on monday. Sounds indeed like a miracle. A miracle that made Jesus a mesiah but what if this miracle would have happened to him every week. Would he still have attained this status of being GOD, would people still go to church on every sunday to pay there homage to the greatest miracle on this Earth. If yes then I am on the same path. But that's not going to happen because there seems to be no 'break;' statement in this loop.

Talking of loops and circles reminds me of Mahabharat where Dhananjay was the only one who knew to survive the circles of death, that time known as 'Chkravyuha'. But I suppose times have changed now. It seems, Dhananjay like Abhimanyu just knows how to enter into the 'Chkravyuha' but is ignorant of how to exit. This loop which starts on monday and goes upto friday is just the inner loop and as of now is without a break; statement. I really pray to GOD that this Dhananjay of present soon finds a way out of all the loops and emerge as a worthy of this name.
As Mr Benjamin Button in the movie, in a letter wrote to his daughter , I wish the same for my life and my collision course:
"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again". Amen

Still... the pain forever

'Its over' she said with a heavy heart and a choked voice, 'but I still love you and will always do'. With this she turned and walked away. And there he was down on his knees getting soaked up in rain looking down to the earth and the past came flashing before his eyes.....

"Do you believe in destiny?" she asked him. He looked into her eyes and replied "I am looking into it". She blushed and said, "stop this romance, I am serious. Tell me, do you believe in destiny, fate and luck. What if its not written for us to be together in future. What if there is someone else......"

----------------------------dark, black, nothingness----------------------------

He looked up and she was long gone, didn't even look back for once. Everything happened so quick that it felt like a dream. But, it was no dream, it was his worst nightmare coming true. He never knew the answer to her question but now he had only one word for it YES.
Again he felt like drowning in the cold water. There was light and he could see her......

She was still so beautiful, so elegant that his heart skipped a beat once again. But she seemed furious, gloomy but angry and suddenly he remembered the night when he saw it coming for the first time. "We were never supposed to be together... you of all have hurt me the most. Its not the first time that you have broken my heart into pieces. We were never destined to be anything more than friends and everything was a mistake."

----------------------------dark, black, nothingness----------------------------

His eyes opened once again but he was in pain. He wanted to cry but in this rain his tears betrayed him. And off course he knew there was nobody to cry for, nobody to hold him and make him realize that everything will be fine. So he lost to his destiny and his tears defeated him at the same moment. Now he knew it was his mistakes that drove them apart and he was ready to accept everything as a punishment. He started to get a grip and stand on his feet. How ironical it was, the rain which once seemed so romantic, today was hurting him with each drop. There was a faint smile on his face, but he wasn't sure of the reason for that smile. He took few steps but couldn't find strength to continue and there he dropped like a dead bird and again he felt cold black darkness around but this time he saw something which will haunt him till his death.....

It was the same day and there she was standing in front of him, all cried out. It was all on her face. He knew everything just by looking into those empty eyes. He knew there was nothing left for him. He was waiting for this and was ready to accept everything 'cos he knew he can't hold her forever. Life made him realize that it was never his destiny and he was ready to embrace it without any grudges for her. And then she said it but something happened, something unexpected, something which made him loose his senses. It's Over, she said looking him directly in the eyes, 'but I still love you and will always do'. This line shattered him. A lightening struck through the sinews of his brain. He lost his strength, fell on his knees and she turned and walked away, not able to see him in this condition.

----------------------------dark, black, nothingness----------------------------

He came back to his senses again and sat there cursing something he thought he now believed in. Why still? He asked. I was never meant for you. You always deserved someone better, at least better than me. I always knew I had my chance of having you but I missed it and will always live with this defeat. You always said, we were never destined to be together..... and I had made my peace with it. This time he found his tears, running down like a turbulent stream. His voice finding strength form nowhere and he was shouting at the sky above: Why now, why still and why for heavens' sake always? and then there was darkness again and these words sprouted from his lips....

I could have lived without you forever but now the guilt that I could have you for once will never let me die...