Still... the pain forever

'Its over' she said with a heavy heart and a choked voice, 'but I still love you and will always do'. With this she turned and walked away. And there he was down on his knees getting soaked up in rain looking down to the earth and the past came flashing before his eyes.....

"Do you believe in destiny?" she asked him. He looked into her eyes and replied "I am looking into it". She blushed and said, "stop this romance, I am serious. Tell me, do you believe in destiny, fate and luck. What if its not written for us to be together in future. What if there is someone else......"

----------------------------dark, black, nothingness----------------------------

He looked up and she was long gone, didn't even look back for once. Everything happened so quick that it felt like a dream. But, it was no dream, it was his worst nightmare coming true. He never knew the answer to her question but now he had only one word for it YES.
Again he felt like drowning in the cold water. There was light and he could see her......

She was still so beautiful, so elegant that his heart skipped a beat once again. But she seemed furious, gloomy but angry and suddenly he remembered the night when he saw it coming for the first time. "We were never supposed to be together... you of all have hurt me the most. Its not the first time that you have broken my heart into pieces. We were never destined to be anything more than friends and everything was a mistake."

----------------------------dark, black, nothingness----------------------------

His eyes opened once again but he was in pain. He wanted to cry but in this rain his tears betrayed him. And off course he knew there was nobody to cry for, nobody to hold him and make him realize that everything will be fine. So he lost to his destiny and his tears defeated him at the same moment. Now he knew it was his mistakes that drove them apart and he was ready to accept everything as a punishment. He started to get a grip and stand on his feet. How ironical it was, the rain which once seemed so romantic, today was hurting him with each drop. There was a faint smile on his face, but he wasn't sure of the reason for that smile. He took few steps but couldn't find strength to continue and there he dropped like a dead bird and again he felt cold black darkness around but this time he saw something which will haunt him till his death.....

It was the same day and there she was standing in front of him, all cried out. It was all on her face. He knew everything just by looking into those empty eyes. He knew there was nothing left for him. He was waiting for this and was ready to accept everything 'cos he knew he can't hold her forever. Life made him realize that it was never his destiny and he was ready to embrace it without any grudges for her. And then she said it but something happened, something unexpected, something which made him loose his senses. It's Over, she said looking him directly in the eyes, 'but I still love you and will always do'. This line shattered him. A lightening struck through the sinews of his brain. He lost his strength, fell on his knees and she turned and walked away, not able to see him in this condition.

----------------------------dark, black, nothingness----------------------------

He came back to his senses again and sat there cursing something he thought he now believed in. Why still? He asked. I was never meant for you. You always deserved someone better, at least better than me. I always knew I had my chance of having you but I missed it and will always live with this defeat. You always said, we were never destined to be together..... and I had made my peace with it. This time he found his tears, running down like a turbulent stream. His voice finding strength form nowhere and he was shouting at the sky above: Why now, why still and why for heavens' sake always? and then there was darkness again and these words sprouted from his lips....

I could have lived without you forever but now the guilt that I could have you for once will never let me die...