My Truce...

Parwana- an obsessed lover; a name given to the moth in urdu that is attracted towards Shama- the flame. Well, why is it so, I can only guess. Perhaps the moth is personified as an obsessed lover 'cos it sacrifices its life for the love of Shama.
The divine love between the two has been a muse for many writers, poets & lyricists, who have exquisitely presented the devotion of the Parwana for his love.
But today, going through a metaphorical tunnel that connects me to that Divine Love I realized the other side of the story, the one that is less evident. Sacrificing life to meet his love, a die hard hopeless romantic, Parwana gives an obvious evidence of his love but what if Shama has the same feeling for him too. Unable to express, waiting for the love of her life, she maintains her calm but finally when the time comes, when her lover is there to embrace her, to hold her in his arms for eternity, she helplessly watches her love burning with her. Crying with pain she couldn't even express her love & tell him about the dark, lonely nights she had waited for him.
And now living with a guilt she knows everybody speaks of his sacrifice blaming her as a cause but no one cares for her loss. Nobody knows the pain in which she burns for her entire life, the guilt in her for being the cause,nobody cares. But she knows her love was pristine, her devotion was pious and her dedication was selfless.
She knows, though she was helpless, her soul is committed to him......and this is her truce...... MINE TOO..

Behind the mist....

Why this night seems so hazy? In fact why life seems so pointless? It seems every little thing is hidden behind the mist and i am waiting in a fix for someone to direct me..... I can feel the void stretching and taking me away from myself. life seems to be a puzzle where every piece is falling apart, lost in the throes of a downturn.. I can hear the clock ticking, every second shudders the essence inside me. and I really want to help but there is something I can't understand. HOW?
I am scared... not 'cos I am coward but that numinous feeling is holding me back. Why I have become this way is really an enigma to me, but then a lot of things have been concealed lately. It was hard when i had a point to focus but its harder when its vague. Now life seems purposeless and tough. I stand on a dilemma: whether i should be happy about myself or should remain unsatisfied and lost, waiting for the cards to be dealt.
Whatever my destiny holds i really don't care 'cos that's something i can't change but that fear of uncertainty is gripping me from inside 'cos somethings are going to change.

...and here i miss her again

A smile on her face that gives you every ounce of energy to live…. For which you can move mountains… for which u transcend every barrier and for which u can even die……. Your success feels like nothing without it. You work day in day out to see that one sweet smile and finally when you are there its nothing without it….. Standing in nothingness, where everybody thinks u have had achieved wonders but you feel like devoid of your soul that breathes through you.

Today I know what it feels like to be at the top, still feeling at the EBB. Today when I stand at the most significant junction of my life I miss her smile… that pat on my back, that glow in her eyes. It’s very hard to hide your grief but it’s even harder to show that u r happy. I miss her like she has never been there with me. I miss her as she has never been away from me. I don’t know how to tell her but I miss her today like she has always been somewhere in me.

I know somewhere sitting quietly by the river with a tear or two running down her cheeks and with those heavy eyes she is looking into me like she always used to, peaking into my soul and saying I AM HAPPY FOR U…..